The worst movie of my recent past.

We have all, at someplace in our lives, seen a movie and not only thought it was a waste of time, but the acting/scripting, for all the efforts of an able director and camera crew, could not keep you from cringing at each line and plot twist. Let me take this a step further: if you ever finished watching an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and thought that nothing made in our modern times could be made half so poorly; then you thought wrong.
I'll give you a clue as to what film I am talking about: It could not be saved by an appearance of Peter O'Toole, or a performance by Omar Sharif.
That's right. The person who wrote "Santa Claus conquers the Martians" and whoever wrote the script for "One Night With the King"(2007) had something in common that made both movies one big invitation for nail-bitingly bad one-liners. Not just any film can be 'MST3K-ed'. A film must deserve it.
So, ONWTK is about the story of Esther, right? Great story. I have always liked it. The fate of her people was preserved by the most attractive girl in all of Persia. A real rags to riches story. How could that go wrong? I'll tell you.
Let's begin with the cover art that is emblazoned upon the DVD case (no I didn't waste my money on it, I saw it on Netflix). It was so cleverly devised to incorporate not just one biblical story but several. I tell you, the cover (that some of you saps purchased for $16.99) is closer to being art than anything inside of the case. The tall doors being pushed apart by Esther's small form make it look epic, maybe even regal. The stretched arms remind one of Samson pulling down the pillars. The font used for the title of the movie mirrors that of another film from a few years ago. You might remember it. It was called "The Prince of Egypt" Or something. Which as some of us are burdened to know that it was about Moses. All this to link this movie to others in the Christian movie industry. I will give credit where credit is due. They paid the big bucks for a classy poster and skimped on the script.
As it would very nearly be impossible to go through and comment on each clumsily delivered line and scene without trying to kill myself.
How to put this as succinctly as possible? Xerxes is played by a failed British pop star. Haman is played by some Christian trying very hard to be a Mesopotamian Hitler (swastika and all). They could have gotten any pretty chica who could act, but its obvious that whoever was in charge of casting was choosing from a pool of evangelical actresses and picked not only the best actress in the group but also the best Christian example.
As we could have expected, Esther was neither incredibly attractive(maybe by Persian standards, but I would never admit if I knew what the hell that means) nor a great actress. One thing you can bet on. The actress will never be seen partying in Hollywood with Britney or Paris, she will most likely never go to rehab nor be convicted of having a big head for being in a feature film that lasted in theaters for about a week and half.
So if you're writing or doing something creative and want to see how badly a few million dollars can be wasted. This one is a sure fire way to boost your ego.